We started on this trail of medication management when my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade and when my son was diagnosed with extreme anxiety in kindergarten. Over time, it has become a tenuous tightrope to walk. We have tried to remain balanced while the symptoms of mood disregulation became more and more intense for both of them in very different ways. I have personally struggled to keep up with charting moods, behaviors, dietary intake, and sleep patterns along with the changes in medication and dosages. Not to mention that I'm juggling all the necessaries of life such as family responsibilities, home routines, school obligations (theirs and mine), job hunting etc....
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| "Ballance" - google search images |
The kids have frequently floundered with social, emotional, and academic growth as a result of their neurological difficulties. Unfortunately, it feels to me as if we are all just guessing at what is really going on with either of them. Much of the testing and blood work done has been inconclusive; however, diagnoses have been given based on symptoms which align with those in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV (DSM IV). We started with medications to treat the intense symptoms of ADHD/ADD and Anxiety and we all thought this would be a relatively benign means to assist them in being successful. After all, there are millions of kids on these meds with great success. Even I wish I had had the benefits of ADD treatment when I was in school, rather than just discovering how empowering it is now as a newly diagnosed adult; therefore, I could see the potential benefits. After they started treatment there was a significantly noticeable impact in their focus, attention, and success in school for quite some time. We all felt relief.
In hindsight, I constantly question whether the medications increased the propensity for some of the more intense issues we are seeing now. There is no doubt the ADHD was there from the beginning for my daughter and the inattentive form of ADD was there for my son. Also, the extreme anxiety he experienced from a very early age was highly evident, but I often wonder now if the anti-anxiety medication exacerbated the mood instability. From the beginning, we always wondered how much of my son's difficulties were directly related to being raised in the high stress environment with his overly dominant, impulsive, and unpredictable sister. His symptoms always seemed like post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to me, but Ialways questioned myself, "What do you know?" I would tell myself. "You're no professional." Yet the doctors all seemed to look to me to decide what to do and whether to try what new medication, so they really didn't know any more than I. It has been such a helpless feeling to be searching for answers which no one seems to be able to provide.
Both my son and my daughter have significant sensory challenges, yet the things that overload each of them are quite different from one another. The occupational therapy (OT) assessments done through schools however, have been less than helpful. For example, despite tremendous evidence from both parents and teachers of the presence of intense symptoms and behaviors indicative of sensory seeking behaviors and or a propensity for sensory overload, the OT's classroom observations resulted in minimal recommended accommodations in the school. They have their good days and their bad days; unfortunately, they seem to be observed on their good days. It has been recommended that I seek outside OT evaluation and services, but I just can't afford that.
As they grow (faster every day - I swear I can watch them grow in their sleep) I have to take it one day, one hour, one moment at a time. Although I have clear expectations - I teach, reinforce and model appropriate behavior as well as implement consequences for inappropriate behavior - I never know how either of them will respond or present in any given situation and I'm continually shocked and embarrased by much of their behavior in the course of a day. *tears*
I feel like this is a terrible way to think about my kids, but it is real. It's frustrating. It's exhausting.
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