When I was pregnant I wholehearted prayed for the qualities my babies have like tenacity, determination and strength, along with intelligence, creativity, and a measure of fearlessness. There is intense pride to see those traits manifested there, but then as they've grown those same tendencies make it seem so much more than "difficult" to parent them. I know they are terrific qualities to carry as an adult, but jeez I guess it is true that you ought to be careful what you wish for! There must be a balance to everything right?!
My oldest was born with all the above traits and more, she is also extremely vocal and has a tremendous need for control. She'll make a VERY excellent manager some day if we can give her the skills necessary to cope with the world. Currently, she struggles with various measures of social awareness; understanding social situations, sarcasm, and what is inappropriate or not. She also lives with a great deal of anxiety and stress as her senses are constantly assaulted by sounds, sights, textures, and smells which take a great deal of her energy to fend off, ignore, or adapt to. Most days the world around her is just so much that she breaks down or erupts when she finally comes to places of relative calm, like at home.
In addition, she has a tremendous measure of perfectionism which makes it rather hard for her to accept and learn from mistakes. In fact, she would most often prefer to not engage in anything she feels she might not be able to do well in rather than to even try. When she does make a mistake, her first response seems to be to blame someone around her for her. She'll say something like, "It is X's fault because he/she is doing something I don't like." Personally, I find this extremely disturbing.
She also feels compelled to continuously tell others how she thinks things should be. I mean correcting everything from grammar to the lines in a TV show or even how someone should crack an egg. It is quite infuriating for others, and frustrating for her when they don't "listen to her" and do it the way she told them to. It seems she often wants life to be like she is the puppet master and others are her puppets who will just do what she tells them to. If they don't she gets SO mad!
How do I teach my dear child to be flexible, compassionate, giving, courteous, helpful, thoughtful, understanding, and tolerant?
I have been constantly teaching, roll playing, modeling, redirecting, reinforcing, rewarding, and punishing as appropriate, yet here we are....
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