I remember dreaming of my home being filled with the music of the piano, the guitar, and the peaceful voices of my children, or being surrounded by the calming rhythm of water from the fish tank or fountain, while we spent time reading in quite spaces. In contrast, our reality is quite different. From the moment my children awake to the moment they fall asleep, there is a constant stream of noise from squeaking and quacking (think Donald Duck talking, but @a higher pitch), shrieking, singing, chatter, wild laughter, be-bopping, stomping rhythms, tripping, jumping, bumping, and falling, to crying, blaming, whining, rude comments, put downs, insults, and ridiculous opposition to any direction or redirection from anyone. Sometimes, it seems just about every expectation I have of my children is so often met with opposition and strain that I have to find super human creativity and strength in order to keep my home and family in some semblance of order. I do the best I can to implement structure, order and routine in my home. But I also try to be flexible to their individual needs of down-time, play time and sensory input. I make them have limited screen time - although sometimes I feel like I don’t limit it enough - and I force them outside to play!
Why is it so hard for my kids to engage in general “play” anymore? When I was a kid there was no TV during the week, only Sat mornings. :P I remember playing in the street on my roller skates with my backyard neighbor till the street lights came on. Now, my children barely want to BE outside! I think for them, the limited space of our backyard is boring, as we live on a very busy street and they are not allowed out front. Just outside our door, there is a constant flow of cars, busses, trucks, emergency vehicles, and now that the weather is nice the full throttle engines of motor cycles enjoying the ride…. Talk about noise! There really are no neighborhood friends around either. Well, at least there are none available, because everyone is either at a “babysitters” or we don’t really know them. In the city we live in, there is no such thing as a neighborhood school anymore. Well, there is, but with “school choice” there are as many as 6 or 7 different schools neighborhood families send their kids too, so very few actually go to school together. It’s sad. In addition, living on this major street makes it difficult to socialize with your neighbors because no one is really “out there”.
Anywhoooo, I find it extremely difficult to find peace and calm in the midst of the day, especially when all the kiddos are home. There are obviously some days that are better than others, but overall…
Mostly, I have to find an answer to the problem of managing my children’s social lives. This weekend was absolutely heaven and I need to set similar situation up more often. Friday, I arranged to have all the kids go to friend’s homes so I could have dinner with a dear friend of mine from High School who was visiting for the day. It turned out the two oldest were both invited to stay the night, so Saturday morning was the most peaceful morning I have had in months! I felt rejuvenated, recharged, and ready to enjoy the weekend with them. What a blessing! Ordinarily, they barely have social time at all, not just because it is hard to put it together, but because social situations are hard for them too. Regardless, they need their own so that I can have mine! When I am perpetually stressed I am not the best parent I can be. This is what I strive for, even though I don’t always know how. I have found some great resources out there though. One such is Awakened Parenting, developed by Denny Hagel, at Awakened Parenting. In this week’s newsletter she said,
- “My best advice when coaching a parent is to tell them to first, breathe and second to relax...The best thing any parent can do for their children is to take care of themselves first! Loving yourself and giving yourself the gift of allowing for your own imperfections in itself a critical message to model to your children. Only when you are at your best and in a positive frame of mind can you provide your children with clear and unconditional love.”
No kidding, I need to put on my oxygen mask first! Through that, I can breathe through all the noise and better provide for my kiddos. I know this so very well, but it is not always easy to find the mask or even be sure that I have a ready supply of oxygen flowing through it to help.
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