"The smell of moldy musty spaces take me back to one of those horrific times." I heard her say. I couldn't believe my best friend of 30 years was telling me these things. Moreover, I found it hard to believe she'd never told me before. I nodded my numbing head as she continued with an intensity I'd never seen in her.
"It's an absolutely visceral feeling, like I can't breathe. Ya know?" But no answer was needed as I sat listening with my heart thumping in my ears, and my eyes transfixed on her crimson sleeves. She rushed on as if there would be no stopping the flow now.
"I remember once when we were forced to play outside and he convinced me to make a fort with him. We found a secret door under the back porch in the garage and removed the boards to look inside. It was completely dark and I was scared, so he got the shop light with the hook on it, from his Dad's workbench, and an extension chord. He went inside with the light and somehow found a way to hang it up in there. In the glare of that white light the stench from the floor assaulted my senses and he kept shining that damn light in my eyes to make me mad! There were spiderwebs everywhere. I was NOT going in there! So somehow I managed to go inside the house. I don't know if it was time for lunch or what. I can't imagine he would have let me go if I hadn't been called in by some adult. Anyway..." She paused, bit her nail, and shook her head as if to clear the remaining dust. I tipped my head expectantly.
"Anyway" she continued, "I do remember that when I came back outside he was very excited to show me the new Fort. Somehow all the cob webs were gone, there were pieces of old carpet remnants on the dirt floor and two child sized, small blue, rusting metal folding chairs. It looked so cool I just had to crawl in there! It was so small we had to crouch even sitting on the little chairs, but it was cool! There was another opening he had created on the other side of the small room (I was sooooo relieved); I was scared to be in such a small space with him. He had pulled off some other boards near the stairs. He said he was going to put a fan there to dry it out. ... When he said that, I remember saying "No, there would be only one way out and in. What if there's a fire?" I think he just laughed at me...."
"It was a cool fort though." She took another looong drink of her Shiraz and sighed. I smiled and leaned in.
"I don't know if it was that day or on a visit shortly after, that it happened for the first time, but he continually tricked me into that fort. At first he was nice and we played cards, soon he wanted me to touch him. HA, he claimed that one day I would need to know about this anyway to find a husband! It wasn't long before he assaulted me, thrusting his hand down my pants and covering my mouth. This happened on several occasions. I don't know why I always hoped it wouldn't. I remember one time being held down, with my mouth and much of my nose covered, while someone came into the garage and walked up the stairs, into the house. I couldn't breath, I could smell the moldy musty dirt on his disgusting hand and he was sitting on me. I was panicked... And I couldn't move. No matter how hard I tried to get away... EVER... I could never get away..." She stared at her glass of wine. Silence. We were both afraid to move.
"I still can't believe that there was someone walking just three feet above it all and no one could help me! EVER!" She finished the glass and sank into the couch.
What do I do? I thought. What do I say?
I got up, moved to the couch and sat down next to my dear childhood friend. I sank back into the softness of now too. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, laid her head on my breast and cried.
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Disclaimer: The story above is completely fictional, composed and written by Melody Altamura. Any similarities in location or context to anyone's real life is purely coincidental.
I would appreciate feedback regarding the writing style of this piece, the tempo, and the feel. I am honored that you are visiting and reading. Have a GREAT day!
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